Hocus Pocus?

I don't know how much I believe in psychics, palm readers, tarot cards, astrology, crystal or aura readings, etc. However, I will admit about 11 years ago at a carnival for a local charity (for the fun if it) I had a woman read me my cards. Tarot cards in specific. It was one of those impulsive, I have a bunch of tickets to finish type of moments. So I entered through the velvet drapes and thought to myself "ok lady let me have it". Much to my surprise this woman didn't ask many leading questions nor did she speculate based on body language or demeanor. She seemed somewhat legit. Now for that moment, I half listened to what she had to say and went about my day, but a lot of it has been coming back to me as of late. Especially because most of it is coming true. Now, before I jump to conclusions I have to say a lot of it can be coincidence, pre-conceived notions etc. but if some of the things she vaguely outlined, are happening. Wouldn't you also speculate the validity of the other things she mentioned? Again, I cant jump the gun on this because many years ago my paternal grandfather who actually did believe in some of the Hindu pundit astrological mumbo jumbo had found out things like his wife would predecease him (not true because he passed away 10 years ago and my grandmother is still alive) and some other matters that weren't so specific, but again did not pan out accordingly. So then it makes me think that maybe some of this stuff is just an arrow in the dark. If it sticks, great and if it doesn't its not like people are going around living their lives according to all of this.
Or are they? I, without fail, check my horoscope daily. I even read it and apply it to what is happening. I don't necessarily proactively change anything based on it, but I still read the insight EVERY day. What does that say? I am reading this then to give me comfort or guidance on what is happening in my life. Isn't that primarily the role of religion or other faith/spiritual following? So then it seems, that I could be reading this merely for entertainment. I don't know if its necessarily written for that purpose, because most of this stuff seems to have some scientific or astrological backing, but then do we even need to measure accuracy?Probably not, it seems as if the people who believe in this are intelligently trying to legitimize and make it a growing industry. For the naysers, I can't really argue because its something similar to religion. There wont be a methodical rhyme or reason, it is belief based. It is all about what you chose to believe and how you chose to believe it. You don't burn sage in your house because you KNOW it removes bad aura or you do it because you BELIEVE it does good. All I can say is, I have a growing curiosity for all of these things and really do enjoy reading about it, but I don't know if I can say I'm a believer/follower just yet.

Jigar da tudka

Literally means "piece of my liver". Figuratively, it obviously means "a part of me". This was Nani's ultimate saying to each of her grandchildren, because we were her most prized possessions, her jaan, every reason for her being. With that being said, I can't even believe I am typing these words, but Nani left us a few days back. So, if we were a piece of her then can you even fathom, how it feels to have a part of you die? 

I was in utter shock when I heard the news, as I had just returned from India 3 days before she passed. I can't thank god enough for having been with her the week of her death. As you know, I felt as if I was being punished for not being with Nanu when he was unwell or even prior to his final days. 

I will say though that with the gratefulness, there is still an exorbitant amount of sadness. I did not think my goodbye would be forever. If anything I kept telling her I would raid her closet for vintage jewelery the next time I came since this was a short trip, most of which was spent in the bathroom with Delhi belly. Speaking of that, I can't believe that during my trip I didn't get to have her feed me (yes I am 27 yrs old) katori wala anda. Katori wala anda is a family favorite that my Nani would feed us as children. It is pretty much an egg fried in a burnt bowl to contain all the ghee (read fat=flavor) with a paratha (just in case you didn't get enough ghee with the egg). This is not only the most decadent thing you have ever eaten, but I can vouch for my sister & cousins in saying that being fed that by Nani's hands also made it the sweetest & most delicious thing you have ever tasted. Because I was under the weather with stomach issues, I refrained from eating this oil/ghee ridden delicacy. In hindsight though, I would much rather have had the runs for an extra week than to have missed the opportunity to have the sweetest grandmother on the planet feed me for the very last time.

And you know what? The word sweet doesn't even begin to describe her. She called every grandchild weekly to discuss what is happening in their lives and to remind us that we were the best and that we can handle anything. Many times she would coddle us endlessly if we were having a bad or hard time. I can't explain it, she just understood us. I could talk to her about anything and everything under the sun. I could discuss the most personal of things to the most pointless & superficial things. Everything that came out of my mouth was gold to her. You could feel through the phone the love that she had for you and the happiness she would get from talking to you. She was our biggest cheerleader, continuously praying for us to succeed in every aspect of our lives, whether we had a big test, interview or project, she would pray that God be with us. I can now only pray that God be with my mom, masi, and mamu. They have lost both of their parents in just under 4 months and if I feel like a grandorphan, I don't want to know what they feel like. Selfishly, I am heartbroken to lose one of my best friends. However, I do find solace in the fact that she was very unhappy without Nanu and that she is now with her best friend.

Tere Bhane Sarbat Da Bhala. Kunta Singh. 7-26-1931 to 9-7-2012

Word, you hear me?

Listening isn't merely an audible act such as hearing words. Listening requires actually comprehending and processing what the other person is saying. In a world where actual conversation is diminishing in an era of laptops, smart phones, tablets, etc many are not actually speaking when there is instant messaging, texting or emailing. Yes, the written word is becoming more popular, but does that mean that all etiquette for the spoken word should be tossed out the window? Furthermore, many of us really don't know a conversation in which we are not guilty of interrupting someone or getting cut off ourselves, at least once or twice in our lives. Not saying that we do or don't do it intentionally, but let's face it every one of us has had exciting news that we just cannot wait our turn to get out or has an interesting antidote to add to a story some one else is telling. So then, where is the line of over zealous and just plain old rude? 

Its pretty blatantly obvious when people turn the conversation in a completely different direction from what I was discussing or talking about that they were not listening to a thing being said. Not to say that the head bobbing and obligatory sighing accounts for someone actually listening to what you  have to say either, but you have to give that person props for at least faking it and giving you the faux impression that they care to hear what you have to say. Obviously I am making the assumption, that people who interrupt or change topics a) don't care what you have to say or assume b) that what they have to say is better, funnier, smarter than what you are bringing to the conversation. So then is it safe to speculate that this rudeness in everyday encounters is sprinkled with a hint of narcissism? And even if we gave these people the benefit of the doubt that there is no malice or ill intent to them just not listening, then what makes them think it is socially acceptable or that others are not doing the same unto them? Are people just going around talking just to be heard and not listened to? Do we just like to hear the sound of our own voice and we really don't care if others are listening? I mean think about this blog for example, I have opinions on a matter & want to discuss it...I don't know if any one will care or even read it so then am I really bothered by the lack of listening happening in the world? 

Also one has to think that the lack of listening is linked to lack of intelligence because no matter who you are conversing with if there is any meaning to the conversation you are most likely going to be taking away something from the conversation, but if you are so wrapped up in getting what you need said out, and not caring what the other person has to offer, then they are just an innocent bystander to bear your monologues and not a friend, colleague, family member, or acquaintance.

What impact could they have in your life if you aren't gaining anything by talking to them? Sure not everything will be quantum physics, but even hearing a mundane story about getting stuck in traffic has some level of impact on you (whether it be to not take that route home later today or to appreciate the less stressful morning you had or to just know more about what someone you care about went through or did) 
Any and all conversation means something, otherwise it would be sound effects and not words. I just wonder what causes people to not listen, it can't merely be that they are too busy to listen because there are far too many advance ways for people to multi task nowadays. Unfortunately, I just don't think many people can say they actually listen when others talk as opposed to just hearing the words coming out of their mouth...check 1, 2, 3 check...hello is this mic on? Can you hear me in the back?

Life Path

So many people have different experiences in their live which mold them into the people they are today. For example, I have a friend that was a serial dater in college and jumped from relationship to relationship and never really got be single...her experiences have caused her to be a tad co dependent, but they have also made her extremely accommodating and flexible. Whereas someone like myself who maybe had one boyfriend all of college is much  more independent, but also a tad selfish. Having to always only worry about myself has given me the strength and confidence to handle things on my own, but has also hindered my ability somewhat to think for others and consider whats best for both parties. Neither of these scenarios or life experiences is better than the other. Both of them alike, attribute to shortcomings as well as strengths. The relationship person may not have the best sense of self, but is definitely more likely to know what she wants out of a relationship having gone through various ones. Everyones separate paths have got them to where they are today. The exposure they had to different things led the to this place, but how they view this place and maneuver themselves further in life is decided by their path much less than themselves.

We are Young.

First of all, this is a great song, but you have to give it more props than just good lyrics. Its release was so impeccably timed with prom, wedding, graduation season. There is no way a song like this wouldn’t be successful at those occasions. However, other than this being a good summer jam, it got me thinking about a ton of stuff. I found out an acquaintance of mine was just diagnosed with leukemia. He is young and healthy (training for a triathlon healthy, not just eats sushi and doesn’t smoke healthy) Anyway, this news was obviously not taken well in light of my grandfather passing and then for the fact that I am genuinely fond of this kid & think that even if it was my worst enemy news like this would be devastating to anyone.

I haven’t even been able to bring myself to discuss what stage it’s at, what they are doing to treat him, how he is handling it, etc etc. I figure between the physical tolls his body is taking, I don’t need to add to the emotional toll by annoying him with all kinds of questions. (Plus in 100% honesty, we aren’t even that close for me to be in his business like that, even if the concern is legitimate)

            Anyway as past blog posts show, I have been feeling low about all sorts of things. And as cliché as this sounds, but this news has really put so much into perspective for me. I have come to the realization that don’t need to sit here and analyze where my relationship is going, or when I will get promoted at work, or what my dad will do for his sanity and financial security when his company is closed. At the end of the day, there are a handful of things in our control and then there are a handful of things that just aren’t. If we get the strength to take control of the reigns and handle what we can, most of us won’t have the time to obsess over what we can’t control. I have certain goals of mine that need to be achieved (re taking the GMAT, losing an exorbitant amount of weight, etc) these tasks seem daunting and are things I don’t particularly want to take on for whatever issues I have, but at the end of the day, these are all within my control and reach. If my boyfriend and I break up or get married one day is yet to be determined. All I can do is take it day by day. There are no concrete actions I can be taking to determine the outcome of our relationship like I can with the exam or weight loss. Just like T could not have taken any measures to prevent his diagnosis, I have to concede to what I can do and what needs to be left to fate or destiny.

            I need to remember that I am still young and so if I want to change career paths or go back to school or physically revamp myself, I have the support of my age and stage in life to support me. There are many circumstances later in life that tend to limit what a person can or can not do. I can’t piss away my youth worrying about things that I can’t do and need to just take control of what I can. Amen to being young.

Ulla Bulla.

To most people that means nothing. To me, it is the start of a ridiculous "lullaby" (and I use the word lullaby loosely because it was more of a silly non-sensical song used to put me, my sister, and cousins to sleep by my grandfather at his house in Delhi) Anyway I write this, as it is now going on week 2 of my grandfather passing and I still cant get over the grief. My maternal grandparents and I are very close. Relative to most people my age who, unfortunately, don't have many grandparents left, but also have the whole US to India time difference and distance to account for; we have a great relationship. We spoke/speak every Sunday about what transpired in our week and about how much we love and miss one another. It was/is truly special (luckily my grandmother hasn't stopped the calls, although as of late they have been more crying than talking) I think a lot of my sadness stems from the fact that I hadn't seen my grandfather the longest out of all the grandkids. Last I saw him was Nov 2010 for my cousins wedding in which I was the maid of honor, in town for only 6 days (also known as, the one who had no time to hang with family) I regret not going in Feb of this year with my mom because I was wrapped up in my new relationship and working towards a promotion at work that I figured "I can go to India whenever I want". Thankfully that's a very true statement I am blessed with, but what I didn't realize is that the people in India may not be there whenever I want. My Nanu was the epitome of business savvy, classy, funny, humble, loving, wordly, and wise. Words can't even express how much he impacted not only my life, but all of his grandkids' lives. Each and everyone of us adored our Satu. He wasn't just the patriarch of the family, but he was a friend to all of us. He always said that we were the ones that made him a GRANDparent and boy did his spoiling not let us forget how special and grand each of us were to him. What I wouldn't do to give him one last chummi or have him playfully "yell" at me for stealing his beard blow dryer.
Guru rakha. Satwant Singh 12-2-1929 to 5-16-12

A walk in those shoes

Many people have accused me of being fairly judgemental. Let me preface this by saying, I don't judge because I think I am better, if anything I judge people on how they act or what they do and then relate it to how I would do it similarly or different. I always try to envision myself in their shoes.
Well the old adage, that you won't understand till you actually walk in their shoes is 100% true. I could never understand how people would react in bad situations and how I always wanted them to be stronger or fight harder. Well, easier said than done sir. I am in a few pickles with my family, friends, and relationship and the world feels like its shattering. I don't have the energy to fight, as I have told so many others to do. I can feel the ground crumbling from underneath me. I know what you are thinking "my that's melodramatic" and yes I (the previous me) would have said the same thing. Actually, I would have said it harsher. In the words of my personal trainer, I would have said "build a bridge and get over it".
Now, I don't know if I am drowning because it is all at once and if I had say only one of these issues happening one at a time that I would be able to take on each one with the bravery I thought I had. However, whatever the reasoning may be, I am not doing such a great job of dealing. Picture this, profuse crying (the snot dripping, dry heaving kind) under the covers with a tub of ice cream that even women 8 months pregnant wouldn't touch.
With that said, in the grand scheme of things that's not terrible. A few nights sulking is warranted when you have too much on your plate. I am just waiting for my inner tigress to come out and to deal with all of these issues one at a time.
The good thing from all of this drama is that I have learned not to judge others for taking their "few days" to wallow and be upset. I can't always expect people to get up and fight at the brink of an issue. We are all humans, and we all deal with things differently and at different paces. I now understand that until I walk in someone else's shoes I can't and shouldn't really comment on how they are dealing with it. The best anyone can do is provide support, love, patience, and understanding in times of need. Not to say that by motivating them to get over it and start picking up the pieces isn't a form of support. Nonetheless, I think I have come to the realization that coddling the person back to sanity isn't necessarily the wrong route either-tough love may not always be the answer. So if there is any silver lining that is going to come from this dark cloud in my life is that I have become a better friend/confidant.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

I don’t know where the saying came from, but I think it’s based on the fact that when you haven’t been or aren’t physically close to someone the little annoyances that come with them being around are washed away with the “missing them” feeling. You tend to only remember the good and forget the bad because it’s usually small stuff anyway. To some extent I do understand that, in concept. However, lately I have been feeling that distance is just distance (emotionally and physically). With friendships and relationships alike, if you are distant from someone too often or for too long you tend to lose touch with their lives. When you are disconnected from what is happening with someone it’s hard to feel this love or closeness to them. It becomes awkward to start conversations, its superficial small talk, or just plain old misinterpretation of intent. All of these factors cause a wedge with someone emotionally, that you can only really repair with physical closeness. The only caveat to this is that if you have known someone for a very long time or have been close to someone for an extended period of time it seems that the distance (length of time or actual proximity) seems to affect the relationship less & less. The deeper the relationship with a friend, sibling, significant other, etc the more endurance it seems to have to distance. All I know is that since my relationship is new and many of my friendships are that I must need weekly encounters to please my heart because the distance has not made it grow fonder.

Emily Post

So I may not consider myself Miss Manners, but I am no maverick either. I find it interesting that finishing schools or learning about etiquette seem like antiquated ideas, but almost daily we encounter social dilemmas in which those skills would be beneficial.
Riddle me this batman (and don't act like this doesn't happen to you at least once a month) Friend A wants to hang out this Friday night, sure why not?! Friend B whom you either like better or haven't seen in a longer time, tells you a day later that they want to hang out Friday night. What is the "proper" thing to do? Now, I know we would all handle this situation differently. Any way we can all hang out? Can you reschedule with Friend A, or do you just suck it up and reschedule with B,  etc etc. Yes I know, these are not earth shattering problems nor am I trying to solve world hunger, however I think we are in social predicaments daily and many people just don't have the common sense on how to act and react.
Manners aren't simple "pleases" and "thank yous" we need to worry about, but are about RSVPing to a wedding in a timely manner so the bride who has 9,000 other dilemmas to deal with can do the seating chart for your table? Or how about something as small as not eavesdropping on private conversations. (Which happens more often than not, which I also think stems from the stalking culture, social media has developed...blog for another day though).
Anyway, little changes that we can make in our daily habits and routines will probably make us more refined individuals. I speak of myself and my horrible posture. Bless my parents for trying to put me in ballet classes when I was younger to fix it, but let's face it D cup breasts are no joke to hold up day in and day out. So how about if I sat upright at least at the dinner table, even if I hunch over my computer for 8 hours a day? Or if we made small adjustments in public for holding doors open, helping someone cross the street or not slurping soup or cereal just because you are in a hurry. This whole "go go go" atmosphere has really been a hinderance to the civilized society we are supposedly living in. Bringing a host gift to a party or making sure there is a vegetarian option for your guests or calling someone a cab are such small nuances that are lost in today's "to each his own" world. Let's all please take a moment a day to think of how we can be a classier version of ourselves, may it mean social graces or table manners, but just one item a day in which we improve how we conduct ourselves. Thanks.

Dichotomy

Many times I have been told how I am not the typical girl (not even quite sure if that is a compliment or an insult nowadays) Even if I pretend to know what some of the stereotypical girl traits or boy traits are, I really don't know what mold I would fit into. I am into cooking (can't get enough of the food network) I am also an avid HGTV watcher and am thrilled to decorate, redecorate, plan parties, & events. However, I would enjoy nothing more than a cold beer, some wings, and a football game on a Sunday afternoon. I am also into playing golf & watching mob movies. No this is not an online dating profile, but the point that I am trying to make is that a person can be into all different types of things, but that doesn't define them as a "tom boy" or a "prissy girl". Just because I can't go more than 2 weeks without a manicure doesn't mean that I can't hang at the local pool hall. So then is it our approach to life that determines our gender bias? If it is not our interests or extracurricular activities that decide if we are more masculine or feminine, it must be the way in which we interact with others, handle tough situations, approach work, deal with family, etc. In that respect then, the whole cursing like a sailor would probably fall under my non typical girl like traits. There is no calm cool collected female approach I have to a stressful situation. However, my interaction with others (may it be family or friends) is empathetic which is quite a feminine quality. So ladies and gentleman of the jury, I have no case to rest, seems as if whatever measures you would like to use on what makes a girl a chick and what makes a boy a guy, seems that there will always be this dichotomy of the X and the Y.

12 in 2012

I got an iPad for Christmas and decided I now have no excuse to not read. My biggest complaint was that I hated carrying around a book in my already overstuffed purse (life). So now that I have the ability to have many books available to me at the tap of a screen I set out on the mission: 12 books in 2012. In order to not feel inundated with this task I obviously decided to keep the pace of 1 book a month. As we close on January with "The Help" AND "New New Rules with Bill Maher", I bring on February with "Bossypants". Thus far I am not only ahead of the game plan by reading two books in the 1st month, but I am really enjoying the residual benefits that are coming along with this goal. I tend to watch TV less, I am reading more about reading (in the attempt to pick my next book for the following month), I am using the Internet less on my phone commuting from meetings on the train (and if anyone knows me I am constantly going over on my data plan because of my excessive web browsing) so using it less is definitely a good thing, and the most obvious benefit is that I am becoming more knowledgeable & well rounded.

The only negative ramification I am seeing to this is that when I am caught up in a book, not much else gets done. I set my Saturday plans to grocery shop, do laundry, clean the apartment and before I know it...its 5 pm and I am still laying in bed reading. So if there was a way to keep my activity up, but also have enough time to read, that would be ideal. Anyway I should stop writing and get my nose back in that book. Any suggestions are welcome & appreciated. Thanks & Happy Reading.

Flying High...{no not that kind of high}

I tend to disagree with the phrase "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". I think it simply means you are a copy cat. You can not think for yourself so you are ripping off something I did well. What I do consider a sincere form of flattery, is asking for my help or opinion on something. I think it is the greatest compliment anyone can give me is to ask my opinion on something. It shows me that you value you my thoughts and perspective, that you respect my point of view enough to consider it for your said task.

Now having said that, many people ask for someone's opinion to blow smoke up their @$$ because they know that the person will feel included in the decision making process or they ask for the sake of asking, but have no actual intent of hearing what the person has to say or offer. Only if the request for help is genuine is it indicative of respect and regard, otherwise it can actually be insulting.

On the other hand, the icing for this cake of flattery is when the person asking for the help, opinion, or insight is some one you revere yourself. It can just feel like the ala mode to your apple pie. If someone you consider accomplished in their personal or professional lives deems you worthy of helping or discussing something with them, it is one of the best feelings in the world. You are undoubtly overwhelmed with a sense of pressure to perform or deliver a great opinion or insight on the matter, but the fact that some one you believe to not need much assistance and is usually offering guidance to others, has now done the same to you. This elation can only get better when your insight or opinion is implemented. If they put into motion your suggestions, they not only think of your insight as intelligent or beneficial, but so much so that it impacted the outcome. Seeing the fruits of your labor is rewarding, but seeing the joy your help has brought another makes you feel like you can fly.

Oh My God!

What were we taught not to talk about? Religion, Sex, and Politics. 
Religion is a unique beast. In many circumstances it is one's faith that helps them through their hardship, but it can also be the cause of controversy, fighting, judgment, and negativity. Religion can either define who we are and how we live our lives or it can mean absolutely nothing to us. Some say the level of education or intellect define how religious or devout a person is. Many believe the contrary and say that religious beliefs are separate of academia.
This thing, this taboo topic that is never supposed to be discussed is what causes wars, genocide, terrorism, but also creates Christmases, Hanukkahs, Diwali, Easters, barmitzvahs, etc. How can something cause so much angst, but also so much joy? How can a couple's religious beliefs keep them from marrying each other or raising a family together?
The simple concept of there being a higher power, a faith in something outside of our control has been molded into different fundamentals and ideologies to create the differences in religions that make them unique. These differentiations shouldn't determine what makes someone's religion superior to an others. This is what sets them apart, this is what makes them not comparable to one another, this is why someone lives their life a certain way or chooses not to do certain things. If we strip aways all the nitty gritty and details of what separates certain religions from one another and look at their similarities, or even their broad concepts then maybe it would be easier to appreciate & understand a religion other than our own. No one is expected to embrace another religion or to even agree with the beliefs because at the end of the day no one says "oh your god" they always say "oh my god" so why not focus on your own religion and your own beliefs and how you choose to abide by the ideologies of your own religion, instead of worrying about how an others religion effects your life.

Greener Grass

Isn't it funny that when we are single we want nothing more than to have a significant other and when we are in a relationship we want nothing more than to regain our independence? Lately, I have been feeling this pressure of being in my late twenties and not being engaged or married. I used to scoff and laugh at my peers who felt this way because I felt that a man shouldn't define you and you should have your own life outside of a relationship.
And while I still believe in those things I now realize that is not at all why they were feeling empty without a relationship. It was the feeling of failure or lack of success that made them want to be married not necessarily the security of a man in their life. Not being in a committed relationship by a certain age isn't always because we need the companion, but more so because we feel as if we have accomplished a little less in our lives at this stage than we had set out to. Everyone has educational goals, career goals, and life goals. I understand that every ones goals differ, but somewhere in most peoples hearts and minds having a family & settling down is a goal. It may have higher importance for some than others, but I think most people are raised in a society in which there is an importance placed on family life. So when we look at our accomplishments and we check off "graduated college" "got job" "got promoted" "went to grad school" or whatever the goals may be, we still have this "married" box unchecked. Does that mean that while we were out accomplishing our other goals we should have been focusing on the marriage goal? Is the grass greener for the women that got married and put their career or educational goals on the back burner or off the list completely? Or is it the fear that now we have accomplished so much and done so well, it may be hard to find a match that is suitable for us? How do we connect with our partner without emasculating them, but still mentally stimulating them? So many thoughts and questions go into the "would haves" "could haves" and "should haves" associated with our life choices, but at the end of the day instead of second guessing ourselves, we need to realize that the grass isn't always greener. As long as we continue to accomplish our goals, and stop focusing on what we could have had or should have had, we too will see greener pastures.