Isn't it funny that when we are single we want nothing more than to have a significant other and when we are in a relationship we want nothing more than to regain our independence? Lately, I have been feeling this pressure of being in my late twenties and not being engaged or married. I used to scoff and laugh at my peers who felt this way because I felt that a man shouldn't define you and you should have your own life outside of a relationship.
And while I still believe in those things I now realize that is not at all why they were feeling empty without a relationship. It was the feeling of failure or lack of success that made them want to be married not necessarily the security of a man in their life. Not being in a committed relationship by a certain age isn't always because we need the companion, but more so because we feel as if we have accomplished a little less in our lives at this stage than we had set out to. Everyone has educational goals, career goals, and life goals. I understand that every ones goals differ, but somewhere in most peoples hearts and minds having a family & settling down is a goal. It may have higher importance for some than others, but I think most people are raised in a society in which there is an importance placed on family life. So when we look at our accomplishments and we check off "graduated college" "got job" "got promoted" "went to grad school" or whatever the goals may be, we still have this "married" box unchecked. Does that mean that while we were out accomplishing our other goals we should have been focusing on the marriage goal? Is the grass greener for the women that got married and put their career or educational goals on the back burner or off the list completely? Or is it the fear that now we have accomplished so much and done so well, it may be hard to find a match that is suitable for us? How do we connect with our partner without emasculating them, but still mentally stimulating them? So many thoughts and questions go into the "would haves" "could haves" and "should haves" associated with our life choices, but at the end of the day instead of second guessing ourselves, we need to realize that the grass isn't always greener. As long as we continue to accomplish our goals, and stop focusing on what we could have had or should have had, we too will see greener pastures.
And while I still believe in those things I now realize that is not at all why they were feeling empty without a relationship. It was the feeling of failure or lack of success that made them want to be married not necessarily the security of a man in their life. Not being in a committed relationship by a certain age isn't always because we need the companion, but more so because we feel as if we have accomplished a little less in our lives at this stage than we had set out to. Everyone has educational goals, career goals, and life goals. I understand that every ones goals differ, but somewhere in most peoples hearts and minds having a family & settling down is a goal. It may have higher importance for some than others, but I think most people are raised in a society in which there is an importance placed on family life. So when we look at our accomplishments and we check off "graduated college" "got job" "got promoted" "went to grad school" or whatever the goals may be, we still have this "married" box unchecked. Does that mean that while we were out accomplishing our other goals we should have been focusing on the marriage goal? Is the grass greener for the women that got married and put their career or educational goals on the back burner or off the list completely? Or is it the fear that now we have accomplished so much and done so well, it may be hard to find a match that is suitable for us? How do we connect with our partner without emasculating them, but still mentally stimulating them? So many thoughts and questions go into the "would haves" "could haves" and "should haves" associated with our life choices, but at the end of the day instead of second guessing ourselves, we need to realize that the grass isn't always greener. As long as we continue to accomplish our goals, and stop focusing on what we could have had or should have had, we too will see greener pastures.
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