America the beautiful

   So I'll admit it, I've been anti the home land ever since I came back a quick recharge vacation in Italia. I was all anti american coffee, men, and pasta. However, today I had a revelation about my land of the free, home of the brave.
    So, I'm sitting down at my every other Tuesday manicure (listen we are coming off a recession so you know weekly manis had to be cut down). Anyway, I literally had a laugh out loud moment and unlike the rest of my generation who usually uses LOL as a conversation filler or generic response to something moderately humorous, I actually chuckled aloud.
This crazed hispanic woman came in and yelled to my vietnamese manicurist hablas espanol (which obviously she did not) and proceeded to ask if she was "gunna work on her body" (mind you chick just wanted a mani/pedi) Anyway, my puzzled manicurist proceeded to explain the pricing of both services and how there would be an extra surcharge for getting a french manicure to which this hispanic woman barked back that it was ridiculous to charge more and that walmart's nail salon is significantly cheaper. This is when the owner (a vietnamese male) yelled "ok go get your nails done at walmart" and proceeded to kick the babbling incoherent woman out. Now I'm fully aware that my written rendition of this didn't really relay the comedic exchange as accurately as it was to witness it, but the underlying humor of the two minorities and their respective accents was quite humorous. (take my word for it) Moreover, the implications of what transpired made me re fall in love with this great country. The encounter displayed this nations strength in small businesses, the melting pot of ethnicities, the capitalism, the freedom of speech, the empowerment and equality of women, among the plethora of reasons why this country is still one of the greatest places to live.

Hocus Pocus?

I don't know how much I believe in psychics, palm readers, tarot cards, astrology, crystal or aura readings, etc. However, I will admit about 11 years ago at a carnival for a local charity (for the fun if it) I had a woman read me my cards. Tarot cards in specific. It was one of those impulsive, I have a bunch of tickets to finish type of moments. So I entered through the velvet drapes and thought to myself "ok lady let me have it". Much to my surprise this woman didn't ask many leading questions nor did she speculate based on body language or demeanor. She seemed somewhat legit. Now for that moment, I half listened to what she had to say and went about my day, but a lot of it has been coming back to me as of late. Especially because most of it is coming true. Now, before I jump to conclusions I have to say a lot of it can be coincidence, pre-conceived notions etc. but if some of the things she vaguely outlined, are happening. Wouldn't you also speculate the validity of the other things she mentioned? Again, I cant jump the gun on this because many years ago my paternal grandfather who actually did believe in some of the Hindu pundit astrological mumbo jumbo had found out things like his wife would predecease him (not true because he passed away 10 years ago and my grandmother is still alive) and some other matters that weren't so specific, but again did not pan out accordingly. So then it makes me think that maybe some of this stuff is just an arrow in the dark. If it sticks, great and if it doesn't its not like people are going around living their lives according to all of this.
Or are they? I, without fail, check my horoscope daily. I even read it and apply it to what is happening. I don't necessarily proactively change anything based on it, but I still read the insight EVERY day. What does that say? I am reading this then to give me comfort or guidance on what is happening in my life. Isn't that primarily the role of religion or other faith/spiritual following? So then it seems, that I could be reading this merely for entertainment. I don't know if its necessarily written for that purpose, because most of this stuff seems to have some scientific or astrological backing, but then do we even need to measure accuracy?Probably not, it seems as if the people who believe in this are intelligently trying to legitimize and make it a growing industry. For the naysers, I can't really argue because its something similar to religion. There wont be a methodical rhyme or reason, it is belief based. It is all about what you chose to believe and how you chose to believe it. You don't burn sage in your house because you KNOW it removes bad aura or you do it because you BELIEVE it does good. All I can say is, I have a growing curiosity for all of these things and really do enjoy reading about it, but I don't know if I can say I'm a believer/follower just yet.

Jigar da tudka

Literally means "piece of my liver". Figuratively, it obviously means "a part of me". This was Nani's ultimate saying to each of her grandchildren, because we were her most prized possessions, her jaan, every reason for her being. With that being said, I can't even believe I am typing these words, but Nani left us a few days back. So, if we were a piece of her then can you even fathom, how it feels to have a part of you die? 

I was in utter shock when I heard the news, as I had just returned from India 3 days before she passed. I can't thank god enough for having been with her the week of her death. As you know, I felt as if I was being punished for not being with Nanu when he was unwell or even prior to his final days. 

I will say though that with the gratefulness, there is still an exorbitant amount of sadness. I did not think my goodbye would be forever. If anything I kept telling her I would raid her closet for vintage jewelery the next time I came since this was a short trip, most of which was spent in the bathroom with Delhi belly. Speaking of that, I can't believe that during my trip I didn't get to have her feed me (yes I am 27 yrs old) katori wala anda. Katori wala anda is a family favorite that my Nani would feed us as children. It is pretty much an egg fried in a burnt bowl to contain all the ghee (read fat=flavor) with a paratha (just in case you didn't get enough ghee with the egg). This is not only the most decadent thing you have ever eaten, but I can vouch for my sister & cousins in saying that being fed that by Nani's hands also made it the sweetest & most delicious thing you have ever tasted. Because I was under the weather with stomach issues, I refrained from eating this oil/ghee ridden delicacy. In hindsight though, I would much rather have had the runs for an extra week than to have missed the opportunity to have the sweetest grandmother on the planet feed me for the very last time.

And you know what? The word sweet doesn't even begin to describe her. She called every grandchild weekly to discuss what is happening in their lives and to remind us that we were the best and that we can handle anything. Many times she would coddle us endlessly if we were having a bad or hard time. I can't explain it, she just understood us. I could talk to her about anything and everything under the sun. I could discuss the most personal of things to the most pointless & superficial things. Everything that came out of my mouth was gold to her. You could feel through the phone the love that she had for you and the happiness she would get from talking to you. She was our biggest cheerleader, continuously praying for us to succeed in every aspect of our lives, whether we had a big test, interview or project, she would pray that God be with us. I can now only pray that God be with my mom, masi, and mamu. They have lost both of their parents in just under 4 months and if I feel like a grandorphan, I don't want to know what they feel like. Selfishly, I am heartbroken to lose one of my best friends. However, I do find solace in the fact that she was very unhappy without Nanu and that she is now with her best friend.

Tere Bhane Sarbat Da Bhala. Kunta Singh. 7-26-1931 to 9-7-2012

Word, you hear me?

Listening isn't merely an audible act such as hearing words. Listening requires actually comprehending and processing what the other person is saying. In a world where actual conversation is diminishing in an era of laptops, smart phones, tablets, etc many are not actually speaking when there is instant messaging, texting or emailing. Yes, the written word is becoming more popular, but does that mean that all etiquette for the spoken word should be tossed out the window? Furthermore, many of us really don't know a conversation in which we are not guilty of interrupting someone or getting cut off ourselves, at least once or twice in our lives. Not saying that we do or don't do it intentionally, but let's face it every one of us has had exciting news that we just cannot wait our turn to get out or has an interesting antidote to add to a story some one else is telling. So then, where is the line of over zealous and just plain old rude? 

Its pretty blatantly obvious when people turn the conversation in a completely different direction from what I was discussing or talking about that they were not listening to a thing being said. Not to say that the head bobbing and obligatory sighing accounts for someone actually listening to what you  have to say either, but you have to give that person props for at least faking it and giving you the faux impression that they care to hear what you have to say. Obviously I am making the assumption, that people who interrupt or change topics a) don't care what you have to say or assume b) that what they have to say is better, funnier, smarter than what you are bringing to the conversation. So then is it safe to speculate that this rudeness in everyday encounters is sprinkled with a hint of narcissism? And even if we gave these people the benefit of the doubt that there is no malice or ill intent to them just not listening, then what makes them think it is socially acceptable or that others are not doing the same unto them? Are people just going around talking just to be heard and not listened to? Do we just like to hear the sound of our own voice and we really don't care if others are listening? I mean think about this blog for example, I have opinions on a matter & want to discuss it...I don't know if any one will care or even read it so then am I really bothered by the lack of listening happening in the world? 

Also one has to think that the lack of listening is linked to lack of intelligence because no matter who you are conversing with if there is any meaning to the conversation you are most likely going to be taking away something from the conversation, but if you are so wrapped up in getting what you need said out, and not caring what the other person has to offer, then they are just an innocent bystander to bear your monologues and not a friend, colleague, family member, or acquaintance.

What impact could they have in your life if you aren't gaining anything by talking to them? Sure not everything will be quantum physics, but even hearing a mundane story about getting stuck in traffic has some level of impact on you (whether it be to not take that route home later today or to appreciate the less stressful morning you had or to just know more about what someone you care about went through or did) 
Any and all conversation means something, otherwise it would be sound effects and not words. I just wonder what causes people to not listen, it can't merely be that they are too busy to listen because there are far too many advance ways for people to multi task nowadays. Unfortunately, I just don't think many people can say they actually listen when others talk as opposed to just hearing the words coming out of their mouth...check 1, 2, 3 check...hello is this mic on? Can you hear me in the back?

Life Path

So many people have different experiences in their live which mold them into the people they are today. For example, I have a friend that was a serial dater in college and jumped from relationship to relationship and never really got be single...her experiences have caused her to be a tad co dependent, but they have also made her extremely accommodating and flexible. Whereas someone like myself who maybe had one boyfriend all of college is much  more independent, but also a tad selfish. Having to always only worry about myself has given me the strength and confidence to handle things on my own, but has also hindered my ability somewhat to think for others and consider whats best for both parties. Neither of these scenarios or life experiences is better than the other. Both of them alike, attribute to shortcomings as well as strengths. The relationship person may not have the best sense of self, but is definitely more likely to know what she wants out of a relationship having gone through various ones. Everyones separate paths have got them to where they are today. The exposure they had to different things led the to this place, but how they view this place and maneuver themselves further in life is decided by their path much less than themselves.

We are Young.

First of all, this is a great song, but you have to give it more props than just good lyrics. Its release was so impeccably timed with prom, wedding, graduation season. There is no way a song like this wouldn’t be successful at those occasions. However, other than this being a good summer jam, it got me thinking about a ton of stuff. I found out an acquaintance of mine was just diagnosed with leukemia. He is young and healthy (training for a triathlon healthy, not just eats sushi and doesn’t smoke healthy) Anyway, this news was obviously not taken well in light of my grandfather passing and then for the fact that I am genuinely fond of this kid & think that even if it was my worst enemy news like this would be devastating to anyone.

I haven’t even been able to bring myself to discuss what stage it’s at, what they are doing to treat him, how he is handling it, etc etc. I figure between the physical tolls his body is taking, I don’t need to add to the emotional toll by annoying him with all kinds of questions. (Plus in 100% honesty, we aren’t even that close for me to be in his business like that, even if the concern is legitimate)

            Anyway as past blog posts show, I have been feeling low about all sorts of things. And as cliché as this sounds, but this news has really put so much into perspective for me. I have come to the realization that don’t need to sit here and analyze where my relationship is going, or when I will get promoted at work, or what my dad will do for his sanity and financial security when his company is closed. At the end of the day, there are a handful of things in our control and then there are a handful of things that just aren’t. If we get the strength to take control of the reigns and handle what we can, most of us won’t have the time to obsess over what we can’t control. I have certain goals of mine that need to be achieved (re taking the GMAT, losing an exorbitant amount of weight, etc) these tasks seem daunting and are things I don’t particularly want to take on for whatever issues I have, but at the end of the day, these are all within my control and reach. If my boyfriend and I break up or get married one day is yet to be determined. All I can do is take it day by day. There are no concrete actions I can be taking to determine the outcome of our relationship like I can with the exam or weight loss. Just like T could not have taken any measures to prevent his diagnosis, I have to concede to what I can do and what needs to be left to fate or destiny.

            I need to remember that I am still young and so if I want to change career paths or go back to school or physically revamp myself, I have the support of my age and stage in life to support me. There are many circumstances later in life that tend to limit what a person can or can not do. I can’t piss away my youth worrying about things that I can’t do and need to just take control of what I can. Amen to being young.

Ulla Bulla.

To most people that means nothing. To me, it is the start of a ridiculous "lullaby" (and I use the word lullaby loosely because it was more of a silly non-sensical song used to put me, my sister, and cousins to sleep by my grandfather at his house in Delhi) Anyway I write this, as it is now going on week 2 of my grandfather passing and I still cant get over the grief. My maternal grandparents and I are very close. Relative to most people my age who, unfortunately, don't have many grandparents left, but also have the whole US to India time difference and distance to account for; we have a great relationship. We spoke/speak every Sunday about what transpired in our week and about how much we love and miss one another. It was/is truly special (luckily my grandmother hasn't stopped the calls, although as of late they have been more crying than talking) I think a lot of my sadness stems from the fact that I hadn't seen my grandfather the longest out of all the grandkids. Last I saw him was Nov 2010 for my cousins wedding in which I was the maid of honor, in town for only 6 days (also known as, the one who had no time to hang with family) I regret not going in Feb of this year with my mom because I was wrapped up in my new relationship and working towards a promotion at work that I figured "I can go to India whenever I want". Thankfully that's a very true statement I am blessed with, but what I didn't realize is that the people in India may not be there whenever I want. My Nanu was the epitome of business savvy, classy, funny, humble, loving, wordly, and wise. Words can't even express how much he impacted not only my life, but all of his grandkids' lives. Each and everyone of us adored our Satu. He wasn't just the patriarch of the family, but he was a friend to all of us. He always said that we were the ones that made him a GRANDparent and boy did his spoiling not let us forget how special and grand each of us were to him. What I wouldn't do to give him one last chummi or have him playfully "yell" at me for stealing his beard blow dryer.
Guru rakha. Satwant Singh 12-2-1929 to 5-16-12