Dichotomy

Many times I have been told how I am not the typical girl (not even quite sure if that is a compliment or an insult nowadays) Even if I pretend to know what some of the stereotypical girl traits or boy traits are, I really don't know what mold I would fit into. I am into cooking (can't get enough of the food network) I am also an avid HGTV watcher and am thrilled to decorate, redecorate, plan parties, & events. However, I would enjoy nothing more than a cold beer, some wings, and a football game on a Sunday afternoon. I am also into playing golf & watching mob movies. No this is not an online dating profile, but the point that I am trying to make is that a person can be into all different types of things, but that doesn't define them as a "tom boy" or a "prissy girl". Just because I can't go more than 2 weeks without a manicure doesn't mean that I can't hang at the local pool hall. So then is it our approach to life that determines our gender bias? If it is not our interests or extracurricular activities that decide if we are more masculine or feminine, it must be the way in which we interact with others, handle tough situations, approach work, deal with family, etc. In that respect then, the whole cursing like a sailor would probably fall under my non typical girl like traits. There is no calm cool collected female approach I have to a stressful situation. However, my interaction with others (may it be family or friends) is empathetic which is quite a feminine quality. So ladies and gentleman of the jury, I have no case to rest, seems as if whatever measures you would like to use on what makes a girl a chick and what makes a boy a guy, seems that there will always be this dichotomy of the X and the Y.

12 in 2012

I got an iPad for Christmas and decided I now have no excuse to not read. My biggest complaint was that I hated carrying around a book in my already overstuffed purse (life). So now that I have the ability to have many books available to me at the tap of a screen I set out on the mission: 12 books in 2012. In order to not feel inundated with this task I obviously decided to keep the pace of 1 book a month. As we close on January with "The Help" AND "New New Rules with Bill Maher", I bring on February with "Bossypants". Thus far I am not only ahead of the game plan by reading two books in the 1st month, but I am really enjoying the residual benefits that are coming along with this goal. I tend to watch TV less, I am reading more about reading (in the attempt to pick my next book for the following month), I am using the Internet less on my phone commuting from meetings on the train (and if anyone knows me I am constantly going over on my data plan because of my excessive web browsing) so using it less is definitely a good thing, and the most obvious benefit is that I am becoming more knowledgeable & well rounded.

The only negative ramification I am seeing to this is that when I am caught up in a book, not much else gets done. I set my Saturday plans to grocery shop, do laundry, clean the apartment and before I know it...its 5 pm and I am still laying in bed reading. So if there was a way to keep my activity up, but also have enough time to read, that would be ideal. Anyway I should stop writing and get my nose back in that book. Any suggestions are welcome & appreciated. Thanks & Happy Reading.

Flying High...{no not that kind of high}

I tend to disagree with the phrase "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". I think it simply means you are a copy cat. You can not think for yourself so you are ripping off something I did well. What I do consider a sincere form of flattery, is asking for my help or opinion on something. I think it is the greatest compliment anyone can give me is to ask my opinion on something. It shows me that you value you my thoughts and perspective, that you respect my point of view enough to consider it for your said task.

Now having said that, many people ask for someone's opinion to blow smoke up their @$$ because they know that the person will feel included in the decision making process or they ask for the sake of asking, but have no actual intent of hearing what the person has to say or offer. Only if the request for help is genuine is it indicative of respect and regard, otherwise it can actually be insulting.

On the other hand, the icing for this cake of flattery is when the person asking for the help, opinion, or insight is some one you revere yourself. It can just feel like the ala mode to your apple pie. If someone you consider accomplished in their personal or professional lives deems you worthy of helping or discussing something with them, it is one of the best feelings in the world. You are undoubtly overwhelmed with a sense of pressure to perform or deliver a great opinion or insight on the matter, but the fact that some one you believe to not need much assistance and is usually offering guidance to others, has now done the same to you. This elation can only get better when your insight or opinion is implemented. If they put into motion your suggestions, they not only think of your insight as intelligent or beneficial, but so much so that it impacted the outcome. Seeing the fruits of your labor is rewarding, but seeing the joy your help has brought another makes you feel like you can fly.

Oh My God!

What were we taught not to talk about? Religion, Sex, and Politics. 
Religion is a unique beast. In many circumstances it is one's faith that helps them through their hardship, but it can also be the cause of controversy, fighting, judgment, and negativity. Religion can either define who we are and how we live our lives or it can mean absolutely nothing to us. Some say the level of education or intellect define how religious or devout a person is. Many believe the contrary and say that religious beliefs are separate of academia.
This thing, this taboo topic that is never supposed to be discussed is what causes wars, genocide, terrorism, but also creates Christmases, Hanukkahs, Diwali, Easters, barmitzvahs, etc. How can something cause so much angst, but also so much joy? How can a couple's religious beliefs keep them from marrying each other or raising a family together?
The simple concept of there being a higher power, a faith in something outside of our control has been molded into different fundamentals and ideologies to create the differences in religions that make them unique. These differentiations shouldn't determine what makes someone's religion superior to an others. This is what sets them apart, this is what makes them not comparable to one another, this is why someone lives their life a certain way or chooses not to do certain things. If we strip aways all the nitty gritty and details of what separates certain religions from one another and look at their similarities, or even their broad concepts then maybe it would be easier to appreciate & understand a religion other than our own. No one is expected to embrace another religion or to even agree with the beliefs because at the end of the day no one says "oh your god" they always say "oh my god" so why not focus on your own religion and your own beliefs and how you choose to abide by the ideologies of your own religion, instead of worrying about how an others religion effects your life.

Greener Grass

Isn't it funny that when we are single we want nothing more than to have a significant other and when we are in a relationship we want nothing more than to regain our independence? Lately, I have been feeling this pressure of being in my late twenties and not being engaged or married. I used to scoff and laugh at my peers who felt this way because I felt that a man shouldn't define you and you should have your own life outside of a relationship.
And while I still believe in those things I now realize that is not at all why they were feeling empty without a relationship. It was the feeling of failure or lack of success that made them want to be married not necessarily the security of a man in their life. Not being in a committed relationship by a certain age isn't always because we need the companion, but more so because we feel as if we have accomplished a little less in our lives at this stage than we had set out to. Everyone has educational goals, career goals, and life goals. I understand that every ones goals differ, but somewhere in most peoples hearts and minds having a family & settling down is a goal. It may have higher importance for some than others, but I think most people are raised in a society in which there is an importance placed on family life. So when we look at our accomplishments and we check off "graduated college" "got job" "got promoted" "went to grad school" or whatever the goals may be, we still have this "married" box unchecked. Does that mean that while we were out accomplishing our other goals we should have been focusing on the marriage goal? Is the grass greener for the women that got married and put their career or educational goals on the back burner or off the list completely? Or is it the fear that now we have accomplished so much and done so well, it may be hard to find a match that is suitable for us? How do we connect with our partner without emasculating them, but still mentally stimulating them? So many thoughts and questions go into the "would haves" "could haves" and "should haves" associated with our life choices, but at the end of the day instead of second guessing ourselves, we need to realize that the grass isn't always greener. As long as we continue to accomplish our goals, and stop focusing on what we could have had or should have had, we too will see greener pastures.

So many questions, not many answers

I never understood why so much emphasis was put on this "so called" work/life balance. I always viewed it as "if you work hard, your life will be good". I guess when it comes to what I view or deem "good" is heavily weighed on monetary comforts. Being able to live in a comfortable home, vacation, dine out, etc is what I would call a "good" life. All of these things are attainable through financial stability. In order to achieve that stability one must work hard, only a few of us get things handed to us. But is that really all that it takes? Is working hard the only success factor? Wouldn't more people be financially secure if working hard is all it took? How much does your work ethic account for how well you do?
More importantly, is being successful only determined by how much money you make or what title you hold at work? Is striking a perfect balance between a good career and a good "life" what makes you successful? At what point do they counteract one another and at what point do they compliment one another?
In my opinion, each person's answers or interpretations to each of these things will vary. What they prioritize or deem important will decide how much they weigh life success vs work success. Better yet, what do they deem as life success? The ability to see your kid off to school in the morning or being able to tuck them in at night may be a better life than working 65 hrs a week and having lots of financial stability or success. At the end of the day the question we need to ask our self is as rhetorical as "what came first? the chicken or the egg"...what is YOUR work/life balance for the YOUR stage in life or work? then only will the answer come to you as to how to balance a career and a life/family.

Narcissism

Many people have blogs about current events, hobbies, politics, pop culture...mine is about my thoughts. Who am I to assume that anyone is going to want to hear what I have to say or my perspective on things? It isn't self importance because this blog isn't for others-its for me. It is my spot in cyberspace to rant, rave, share, discuss whatever I feel like. Selfish, eh? Call it what you will, but it is actually really uncommon these days to say what you feel. Now I know it sounds trite to say how lucky I am to live in a society, country, time period in which I have the freedom to voice my opinions-but in all honesty, who really says what they feel or mean anymore? I am not sure if I am blessed or cursed with the no filter gene or as my co worker so politely puts it "she has no hair on her tongue." I am just cut from a different fabric than most folks in that respect.
Whether it be in a corporate setting or a social one, know one truly says what is on their mind. Not to say people walk on egg shells, but I think I am one of the rare people out there that really just say what they are thinking. There is a plaque in my dad's office that says "make sure brain is engaged, before mouth is in gear".  Its not that I don't think about what I am saying, but I rarely mince my words in the fear of how it will be percieved. I don't mean to offend or hurt the person I am talking to, I am moreso speaking on what I want to say. Luckily for me, most people find this trait endearing, genuine, respectable-because if they didn't many circumstances would deem this behavior as inappropriate. Not for nothing, but there is a sociological thrill in watching people's reactions to something abnormal or inapproriate as it is. However unusual or not, saying what you mean and meaning what you say is rare. You could see this as me tooting my own horn or being concieted, or heck even narcissistic. It is what it is.