Literally means "piece of my liver". Figuratively, it obviously means "a part of me". This was Nani's ultimate saying to each of her grandchildren, because we were her most prized possessions, her jaan, every reason for her being. With that being said, I can't even believe I am typing these words, but Nani left us a few days back. So, if we were a piece of her then can you even fathom, how it feels to have a part of you die?
I was in utter shock when I heard the news, as I had just returned from India 3 days before she passed. I can't thank god enough for having been with her the week of her death. As you know, I felt as if I was being punished for not being with Nanu when he was unwell or even prior to his final days.
I will say though that with the gratefulness, there is still an exorbitant amount of sadness. I did not think my goodbye would be forever. If anything I kept telling her I would raid her closet for vintage jewelery the next time I came since this was a short trip, most of which was spent in the bathroom with Delhi belly. Speaking of that, I can't believe that during my trip I didn't get to have her feed me (yes I am 27 yrs old) katori wala anda. Katori wala anda is a family favorite that my Nani would feed us as children. It is pretty much an egg fried in a burnt bowl to contain all the ghee (read fat=flavor) with a paratha (just in case you didn't get enough ghee with the egg). This is not only the most decadent thing you have ever eaten, but I can vouch for my sister & cousins in saying that being fed that by Nani's hands also made it the sweetest & most delicious thing you have ever tasted. Because I was under the weather with stomach issues, I refrained from eating this oil/ghee ridden delicacy. In hindsight though, I would much rather have had the runs for an extra week than to have missed the opportunity to have the sweetest grandmother on the planet feed me for the very last time.
And you know what? The word sweet doesn't even begin to describe her. She called every grandchild weekly to discuss what is happening in their lives and to remind us that we were the best and that we can handle anything. Many times she would coddle us endlessly if we were having a bad or hard time. I can't explain it, she just understood us. I could talk to her about anything and everything under the sun. I could discuss the most personal of things to the most pointless & superficial things. Everything that came out of my mouth was gold to her. You could feel through the phone the love that she had for you and the happiness she would get from talking to you. She was our biggest cheerleader, continuously praying for us to succeed in every aspect of our lives, whether we had a big test, interview or project, she would pray that God be with us. I can now only pray that God be with my mom, masi, and mamu. They have lost both of their parents in just under 4 months and if I feel like a grandorphan, I don't want to know what they feel like. Selfishly, I am heartbroken to lose one of my best friends. However, I do find solace in the fact that she was very unhappy without Nanu and that she is now with her best friend.
Tere Bhane Sarbat Da Bhala. Kunta Singh. 7-26-1931 to 9-7-2012
