Me, Myself, and I

I think I'm a loner. I genuinely enjoy being alone. I have no issue going places alone or even just hanging out alone at home. I used to think my main reason for "laying low" was to save money, but in actuality I enjoy solitude. I don't think it impedes my social skills or that I change my bubbly personality based on the fact that I prefer being by myself. I just think that because I am a talkative person that there is this misconception that I'm incredibly social or must love being around others at all times.
     If anything I've realized that being with people for extended periods of time is a tad exhausting and I end up looking forward to a solo retreat to just be alone. I can go whole weekends without any human interaction and not think twice about it. I doubt I could pull that off for weeks on end, but most people have a social engagement of some sorts and don't usually stay by themselves all weekend long. One tends to have plans either through obligation or actual desire, however at some point through out a weekend they are socializing. Many times I catch myself shying away from avoidable outings or events in order to just hang alone. I will go out when its absolutely necessary, but not more than that. It is not that I don't have a lovely set of friends, family members, boyfriend, colleagues etc and I actually enjoy myself thoroughly on the rare occasion that I do go out, but sometimes I just covet some time to do me.
    

GNO

      So apparently, I'm the only 28 yr. old that didn't know girls night out was code for let's go & pick up guys. I, foolishly, thought it meant all female friends (sans significant others & other male friends) go out to eat & drink heavily (dance a lot even) and to talk about guys, fashion, etc. I don't think I ever used a girls night out as a man hunt. Now in my defense, being overweight 95% of my life I wasn't really much of a guy picker up anyway. Sure I have gotten hit on, asked for a dance, or even for my digits but that was a) never my intent of the night and b) the interaction/flirtation usually was contained to that night/weekend. 
      Now apparently gno's are used as man hunts often because (unbeknownst to me yet again) single girls "allegedly" go out more than taken girls. (Go ahead inner feminist get mad that I used "taken" vs "girls in relationships") 
      Anyway I digress, I vehemently disagree with this notion that single girls are more socially active than others. Wouldn't common sense suggest that a girl in a couple goes out more because now not only does she have colleagues, friends, family of her own, but now she has a significant other (and his social circle) ep so facto making the going out much more. It bothers me to think that the sole premise of single people going out more is based on the fact that going out is a mere mating ritual. Has anyone gone out to watch a sporting event/game? For a concert? To celebrate a birthday, promotion, house purchase, etc? Do you go out to catch up with friends, listen to music, have good food or drink? I mean why is it that there is this ridiculous stigma that girls only go out to pick up or meet guys? Anyway, apparently, I use girl's nights to dish on life and obtain blog worthy material. So, who am I to judge?

America the beautiful

   So I'll admit it, I've been anti the home land ever since I came back a quick recharge vacation in Italia. I was all anti american coffee, men, and pasta. However, today I had a revelation about my land of the free, home of the brave.
    So, I'm sitting down at my every other Tuesday manicure (listen we are coming off a recession so you know weekly manis had to be cut down). Anyway, I literally had a laugh out loud moment and unlike the rest of my generation who usually uses LOL as a conversation filler or generic response to something moderately humorous, I actually chuckled aloud.
This crazed hispanic woman came in and yelled to my vietnamese manicurist hablas espanol (which obviously she did not) and proceeded to ask if she was "gunna work on her body" (mind you chick just wanted a mani/pedi) Anyway, my puzzled manicurist proceeded to explain the pricing of both services and how there would be an extra surcharge for getting a french manicure to which this hispanic woman barked back that it was ridiculous to charge more and that walmart's nail salon is significantly cheaper. This is when the owner (a vietnamese male) yelled "ok go get your nails done at walmart" and proceeded to kick the babbling incoherent woman out. Now I'm fully aware that my written rendition of this didn't really relay the comedic exchange as accurately as it was to witness it, but the underlying humor of the two minorities and their respective accents was quite humorous. (take my word for it) Moreover, the implications of what transpired made me re fall in love with this great country. The encounter displayed this nations strength in small businesses, the melting pot of ethnicities, the capitalism, the freedom of speech, the empowerment and equality of women, among the plethora of reasons why this country is still one of the greatest places to live.

Hocus Pocus?

I don't know how much I believe in psychics, palm readers, tarot cards, astrology, crystal or aura readings, etc. However, I will admit about 11 years ago at a carnival for a local charity (for the fun if it) I had a woman read me my cards. Tarot cards in specific. It was one of those impulsive, I have a bunch of tickets to finish type of moments. So I entered through the velvet drapes and thought to myself "ok lady let me have it". Much to my surprise this woman didn't ask many leading questions nor did she speculate based on body language or demeanor. She seemed somewhat legit. Now for that moment, I half listened to what she had to say and went about my day, but a lot of it has been coming back to me as of late. Especially because most of it is coming true. Now, before I jump to conclusions I have to say a lot of it can be coincidence, pre-conceived notions etc. but if some of the things she vaguely outlined, are happening. Wouldn't you also speculate the validity of the other things she mentioned? Again, I cant jump the gun on this because many years ago my paternal grandfather who actually did believe in some of the Hindu pundit astrological mumbo jumbo had found out things like his wife would predecease him (not true because he passed away 10 years ago and my grandmother is still alive) and some other matters that weren't so specific, but again did not pan out accordingly. So then it makes me think that maybe some of this stuff is just an arrow in the dark. If it sticks, great and if it doesn't its not like people are going around living their lives according to all of this.
Or are they? I, without fail, check my horoscope daily. I even read it and apply it to what is happening. I don't necessarily proactively change anything based on it, but I still read the insight EVERY day. What does that say? I am reading this then to give me comfort or guidance on what is happening in my life. Isn't that primarily the role of religion or other faith/spiritual following? So then it seems, that I could be reading this merely for entertainment. I don't know if its necessarily written for that purpose, because most of this stuff seems to have some scientific or astrological backing, but then do we even need to measure accuracy?Probably not, it seems as if the people who believe in this are intelligently trying to legitimize and make it a growing industry. For the naysers, I can't really argue because its something similar to religion. There wont be a methodical rhyme or reason, it is belief based. It is all about what you chose to believe and how you chose to believe it. You don't burn sage in your house because you KNOW it removes bad aura or you do it because you BELIEVE it does good. All I can say is, I have a growing curiosity for all of these things and really do enjoy reading about it, but I don't know if I can say I'm a believer/follower just yet.

Jigar da tudka

Literally means "piece of my liver". Figuratively, it obviously means "a part of me". This was Nani's ultimate saying to each of her grandchildren, because we were her most prized possessions, her jaan, every reason for her being. With that being said, I can't even believe I am typing these words, but Nani left us a few days back. So, if we were a piece of her then can you even fathom, how it feels to have a part of you die? 

I was in utter shock when I heard the news, as I had just returned from India 3 days before she passed. I can't thank god enough for having been with her the week of her death. As you know, I felt as if I was being punished for not being with Nanu when he was unwell or even prior to his final days. 

I will say though that with the gratefulness, there is still an exorbitant amount of sadness. I did not think my goodbye would be forever. If anything I kept telling her I would raid her closet for vintage jewelery the next time I came since this was a short trip, most of which was spent in the bathroom with Delhi belly. Speaking of that, I can't believe that during my trip I didn't get to have her feed me (yes I am 27 yrs old) katori wala anda. Katori wala anda is a family favorite that my Nani would feed us as children. It is pretty much an egg fried in a burnt bowl to contain all the ghee (read fat=flavor) with a paratha (just in case you didn't get enough ghee with the egg). This is not only the most decadent thing you have ever eaten, but I can vouch for my sister & cousins in saying that being fed that by Nani's hands also made it the sweetest & most delicious thing you have ever tasted. Because I was under the weather with stomach issues, I refrained from eating this oil/ghee ridden delicacy. In hindsight though, I would much rather have had the runs for an extra week than to have missed the opportunity to have the sweetest grandmother on the planet feed me for the very last time.

And you know what? The word sweet doesn't even begin to describe her. She called every grandchild weekly to discuss what is happening in their lives and to remind us that we were the best and that we can handle anything. Many times she would coddle us endlessly if we were having a bad or hard time. I can't explain it, she just understood us. I could talk to her about anything and everything under the sun. I could discuss the most personal of things to the most pointless & superficial things. Everything that came out of my mouth was gold to her. You could feel through the phone the love that she had for you and the happiness she would get from talking to you. She was our biggest cheerleader, continuously praying for us to succeed in every aspect of our lives, whether we had a big test, interview or project, she would pray that God be with us. I can now only pray that God be with my mom, masi, and mamu. They have lost both of their parents in just under 4 months and if I feel like a grandorphan, I don't want to know what they feel like. Selfishly, I am heartbroken to lose one of my best friends. However, I do find solace in the fact that she was very unhappy without Nanu and that she is now with her best friend.

Tere Bhane Sarbat Da Bhala. Kunta Singh. 7-26-1931 to 9-7-2012

Word, you hear me?

Listening isn't merely an audible act such as hearing words. Listening requires actually comprehending and processing what the other person is saying. In a world where actual conversation is diminishing in an era of laptops, smart phones, tablets, etc many are not actually speaking when there is instant messaging, texting or emailing. Yes, the written word is becoming more popular, but does that mean that all etiquette for the spoken word should be tossed out the window? Furthermore, many of us really don't know a conversation in which we are not guilty of interrupting someone or getting cut off ourselves, at least once or twice in our lives. Not saying that we do or don't do it intentionally, but let's face it every one of us has had exciting news that we just cannot wait our turn to get out or has an interesting antidote to add to a story some one else is telling. So then, where is the line of over zealous and just plain old rude? 

Its pretty blatantly obvious when people turn the conversation in a completely different direction from what I was discussing or talking about that they were not listening to a thing being said. Not to say that the head bobbing and obligatory sighing accounts for someone actually listening to what you  have to say either, but you have to give that person props for at least faking it and giving you the faux impression that they care to hear what you have to say. Obviously I am making the assumption, that people who interrupt or change topics a) don't care what you have to say or assume b) that what they have to say is better, funnier, smarter than what you are bringing to the conversation. So then is it safe to speculate that this rudeness in everyday encounters is sprinkled with a hint of narcissism? And even if we gave these people the benefit of the doubt that there is no malice or ill intent to them just not listening, then what makes them think it is socially acceptable or that others are not doing the same unto them? Are people just going around talking just to be heard and not listened to? Do we just like to hear the sound of our own voice and we really don't care if others are listening? I mean think about this blog for example, I have opinions on a matter & want to discuss it...I don't know if any one will care or even read it so then am I really bothered by the lack of listening happening in the world? 

Also one has to think that the lack of listening is linked to lack of intelligence because no matter who you are conversing with if there is any meaning to the conversation you are most likely going to be taking away something from the conversation, but if you are so wrapped up in getting what you need said out, and not caring what the other person has to offer, then they are just an innocent bystander to bear your monologues and not a friend, colleague, family member, or acquaintance.

What impact could they have in your life if you aren't gaining anything by talking to them? Sure not everything will be quantum physics, but even hearing a mundane story about getting stuck in traffic has some level of impact on you (whether it be to not take that route home later today or to appreciate the less stressful morning you had or to just know more about what someone you care about went through or did) 
Any and all conversation means something, otherwise it would be sound effects and not words. I just wonder what causes people to not listen, it can't merely be that they are too busy to listen because there are far too many advance ways for people to multi task nowadays. Unfortunately, I just don't think many people can say they actually listen when others talk as opposed to just hearing the words coming out of their mouth...check 1, 2, 3 check...hello is this mic on? Can you hear me in the back?

Life Path

So many people have different experiences in their live which mold them into the people they are today. For example, I have a friend that was a serial dater in college and jumped from relationship to relationship and never really got be single...her experiences have caused her to be a tad co dependent, but they have also made her extremely accommodating and flexible. Whereas someone like myself who maybe had one boyfriend all of college is much  more independent, but also a tad selfish. Having to always only worry about myself has given me the strength and confidence to handle things on my own, but has also hindered my ability somewhat to think for others and consider whats best for both parties. Neither of these scenarios or life experiences is better than the other. Both of them alike, attribute to shortcomings as well as strengths. The relationship person may not have the best sense of self, but is definitely more likely to know what she wants out of a relationship having gone through various ones. Everyones separate paths have got them to where they are today. The exposure they had to different things led the to this place, but how they view this place and maneuver themselves further in life is decided by their path much less than themselves.